Monday, July 13, 2009

Parental Discretion is Advised

Two things interrupted my otherwise normal day of pills, injections, bleeding, ultrasounds, and squeezing in some work around that hot mess.

Numero Uno: In the very crowded clinic early this morning - chock full of grumpy-looking, anxious, and just generally exhausted women and their dutiful partners - one woman, sitting across from me, was all smiles. She and her partner waved around her ultrasound photos and started making excited phone calls; obviously her treatment worked, good for her, blah, blah, blah. I am happy for her, really. But I am more interested in the fact that a dozen or so infertile women (including me), many of whom still are not pregnant and have never been (including me), were watching this in subdued horror. Ugh. Discretion, you former infertile, and apparently insensitive, woman. Discretion. As in, you are not at home or in the company of friends and family (whom I'm sure wish you only the best, and deep down, so do I); rather, you are in the waiting room of an infertility clinic. Where infertile people are. Respect.

Numero Dos: I (think I) don't have a ton of follicles and they don't seem super impressive, so we are upping doses. I don't even know what's "normal" at what "stage" since it varies from patient to patient, clinic to clinic, doctor to doctor, etc. I guess dose adjustments are probably common, right? I suppose I was hoping to be told I had the best, most robust, shiniest and most sparkling follicles after 3 days of stimulation, in numbers the likes of which they've never seen... Not so much. I basically have no real sense for whether this is going well or not, other than it hasn't been cancelled. I could certainly ask many more questions at appointments, or call the nurses, but I am fighting a super-human-strength control freak tendency that would unleash a torrent of questions, suggestions, Dr. Google research, primary literature, meta-analyses, etc. I am guessing my endocrine class in college doesn't qualify me to make medical decisions in this scenario, so I am electing to butt out and leave it to the pros. I don't bother tracking my lab values and such since I don't expect that my physician would change anything based on my amateur objection or curiosity. This massive restraint may be slowly killing me.


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