Sunday, August 2, 2009

Beta Eve

Dying. Of. Anticipation. Expecting the worst. Bracing for a Very Bad Day. I've done alright at staying positive over the past month, even when things haven't gone as perfectly as planned, but this is hard. I keep thinking, it might end tomorrow. I could find out for myself. There is a single HPT left in my bathroom cabinet, but I am leaving it there, unpeed upon. I already made up my mind a week or so ago that *if* I get good news tomorrow, I can whiz on it afterward for grins (and to create a souvenir). But I am worried there will be nothing to smile about. I have no evidence one way or the other, really, but I just don't know. Ugh.



BB said...

I am thinking of you! Hoping that it is a BFP! Will be checking on you tomorrow! {HUGS}

'Murgdan' said...

Ugh. Hope you get some sleep tomorrow. Will tune in tomorrow to see the matter what they may be.

Katie said...

Thank you so much for your comment. First of all, sending good thoughts your way for a high beta!

My mother does know all the details- how long, how much, etc. because I thought that might help. I even gave her books to read to try to get her to understand where I am coming from. She truly feels that it is the past now no matter how much I've told her I will always be "infertile" and the psychological impact that will have. I'm starting to think I should have never tried in the first place, and kept it all from her.

Again though, thanks so much for your kind words. They help more than you know.