The Topic: Jumping Ship.
The Objective: Discuss.
The phenomenon of bailing on a blogger the moment after she posts her "finally knocked up" news is swirling around the infertile blogosphere like purple haze. I can understand completely, since I've done it. It's not personal. I've lurked on blogs and then simply deleted the link from my bookmarks after the announcement comes. I've become lazier about checking infertility-turned-pregnancy blogs on which I used to comment. For some who have mutually followed my blog, I try to keep up with encouraging comments because I enjoyed the exchanges when we were still in the same boat, and I genuinely care about how they're doing. But we are in different boats now.
It seems the general impression is that I, the still-infertile, am the one jumping ship from the newly-pregnant-infertile blogs. I see it another way: the freshly minted pregnancy bloggers jumped my ship. I haven't seen as much as hide nor hair from a few now-pregnant bloggers who used to comment and give support on a regular basis. Guess what? That commenced immediately with their announcements. It is a two-way exodus. And it's not personal. For those of us who remain infertile and unpregnant, it is difficult to read about the beginnings of a pregnancy we have not yet experienced. There is comfort in commiserating with fellow bloggers on the same cycle, riding out the same physical and emotional choppy seas. When that changes we can't relate anymore and for the still-infertile, the combination of hardship in reading about someone else's pregnancy and the subtle chipping away at an online support system - well, it takes a toll, and sometimes the solution is to abandon ship. I've stuck with a few newly-pregnant bloggers, but am not sure they've stuck with me.
Most of the bloggers I followed closely when I started IVF (I had not blogged during my pre-IVF infertility phase) got pregnant right away, and suddenly my cycle "buddies" were gone. I viewed (and still view) my blog as a place to unload my mental burden, when the thought cup runneth over, and not necessarily as a way to make interweb friends in the online infertility world. I don't rely on camaraderie with anonymous bloggers as a support system, but it seemed to naturally arise and that is certainly comforting in a stressful time. But then....it just as quickly disappears. Imagine you happen upon a party taking place in a new neighborhood. It's not a particularly happy occasion, this party, but people seem to be engrossed in conversation that feels relevant and interests you and so you make a few friends, enjoy a few proverbial drinks, tell some jokes, laugh a little, cry together, and then *POOF* everyone at the party gets up and leaves; all at once you are standing in the middle of the living room with an empty glass and no one to talk to. So....you have to wander around the neighborhood in search of another party, and make new friends. You keep up with a few people from the first party, to see how they're doing, and because, hell, in this party scene they could end up back in that living room with you and an empty glass at any time.
Infertility is just effing hard. I don't want my outlet for the pain and frustration of it all to become a secondary source of frustration because support that I once enjoyed dries up. But, like all things infertile, it is what it is. I am still riding out the high seas of waiting-for-my-announcement-so-someone-can-jump-my-ship. All aboard.