Thursday, September 17, 2009

The C Word

My RE wants to cancel the cycle.

We have 5 potential follicles.

Last cycle, it took 7 follicles to produce 1 embryo, that is not a baby.

We are going to retrieve anyway on Saturday.

We can only conceive an embryo with IVF/ICSI because we have severe MFI, but we can't make an embryo that survives with IVF/ICSI because I don't grow enough mature eggs to fertilize. The only thing my body can achieve is failure. No reason. No fix. Just failure.

I don't know how many more times I can do this. I don't know if I can give up either.

I feel more fucked than ever.

 

5 comments:

BB said...

Oh JB, this sucks! I am still hoping that this cycle works for you... hard to believe, but they say it only takes one. I know it sounds like BS... but you never know. On the other hand, have you thought of getting a second opinion/changing clinics? You never know how things could change with a change in doc? If you are ready for a long shot, a lot of gals go to CCRM @ Colorado... they are nations best it seems!

Simple said...

F***!!!! I'm so sorry, but there is always at least a miniscule amount of hope, right? You're not alone (I know that doesn't really help right now) - sending lots of positive thoughts & good luck wishes. It just plain sucks though doesn't it.

Pundelina said...

Fuckdamn. You must feel like utter crap now and I wish you didn't. Hold onto some hope if you can, I know I am.

((hugs))

Amy said...

Crap...Holding onto hope for you. I know you must be soooo frustrated.

'Murgdan' said...

Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.