Wednesday, October 28, 2009

All Work and No Play

It's been a while since my day-to-day revolved primarily around work, rather than today's RE appointment, scheduling tomorrow's, being out of office for some half-day procedure, etc. Now I have to fill my time exclusively with work. Takes the piss right out of me. I miss the cycle calender in some sick, co-dependent way.

It's open enrollment for benefits at work, and I decided to purchase an additional week of paid time off for next year. That's on top of 23 days and the week I can roll over from this year. For those keeping track at home: 6 weeks and 3 days PTO. Holla. One or two years ago, and up to as recently as the last failed IVF cycle, I daydreamed about how much time I would take for maternity leave: would I go back to work, take an extended leave of absence, or quit altogether and be a SAHM for a while? I thought about saving vacation days to tack on to the end of maternity leave. I felt I was being hopeful and practical. Now...I just want to hoard more vacation time. If we have any money next summer, I want to go to Italy (where my husband's people originate) and Ireland (my people's motherland -- irony intended). Or, if we are broke-ass from continued efforts to make a beh-beh (as I suspect we may well be), I will lay around the house and watch daytime talk shows. We'll see. I may need some weeks for trips to Colorado or China for all I know.

A friend called me yesterday to wax poetic about maternity leave and paid time off. She is due with her second beh-beh in May 2010. She had her first around the time I might have had mine, if my husband and I were capable. So I love my friend dearly, but I loathe hearing about her pregnancy. She means well and is actually very cautious about what she says to me regarding beh-beh news, but she relaxed her filter and launched into a rhetorical tangent yesterday about 6 weeks this, 8 weeks that, what about 12 weeks, blah, bah, blah. I actually physically tuned her out while she was talking. I just kept muttering "uh-huh" until there was silence and then changed the subject. I feel like a grade A jerk for being unable to carry on an adult conversation about my friend's pregnancy, but it is was it is. I am an infertile asshole. Love me or leave me.

One week until the highly-anticipated, second opinion RE appointment. Then my co-dependency can resume. Whew.


BB said...

It's sad how our entire schedule works around all these ifs and buts! Ever since the TTC journey began, I have become a social introvert (which is so not me in reality) who can never commit to any body about anything in the near or distant future! Though I am ever ready with a probable calender with an IF related schedule! I was telling my DH over the weekend, I need to look in to all the meds in the fridge and give away anything that expires in the next 2-3 months... cause if anything were to happen with me now (I hope it doesn't), I probably would not be able to use those medications at least for the next 2-3 months!

Looking forward to your 2nd opinion appointment update! Hope this RE is the positive change you need in your journey! Good Luck!

hope4joy said...

The constant scheduling and planning have been a relief during these cycles. I feel like if I can't control my ability to become pregnant I can control my schedule. Good luck on the new RE.

Lisa said...

What is this magical, mystical clinic in Colorado everyone refers to? Is it Dr. Schoolcraft with CCRM?

No matter what happens, I hope you get to enjoy your 6 weeks PTO!