Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Let me be less veiled in my contempt: fuck you, reproductive endocrinology specialist, and your bullshit suggestion that we shell out $15,000 plus my own expenses for a donor egg cycle, or try donor IUI. Not gonna happen right now.

She would/will not make changes to a third IVF cycle; we would go right back to an antagonist protocol and likely only get 1 embryo to transfer, if any. Lather, rinse, repeat, until we run out of money or my ovaries and/or head implode. This is beyond disappointing. She will not entertain adding androgens to the protocol because that might shrivel my "beautiful uterine lining." What does it matter, if we don't produce enough embryos to shove into it? I'm not sure if I got a clear answer on clotting or autoimmune testing and/or prophylaxis, just some citations of studies showing women with known clotting mutations had higher pregnancy rates. Okay, that's academically fascinating, so what about my direct question regarding aspirin or low-dose corticosteroids? And I know my T4 numbers look good, but I still want to retest for free T3 to ensure my thyroid medication is appropriate and at the best dose for my recently diagnosed autoimmune hypothyroidism. Nope. Not needed, says the MD to the PhD in Immunology. Fuckity-fuckity-fuck. Fuck.

I requested copies of our records on my way out, and am trying to move the second opinion consult up to October. If he (New RE) is willing to explore protocol modifications, I am willing to go all in for a third IVF try. With MY eggs. In either event, we are also meeting with a urologist who has poked, prodded and clinically violated my poor husband in unspeakable ways and has yet to provide us with concrete information about what the ultrasounds, scans, and bloodwork suggest. Other than super shitty sperm syndrome (SSSS, since we are always in need of new acronyms). If Dr. Wiener (not his real name) thinks it even remotely possible that a 2- to 3-month course of meds could improve KB's sperm morphology enough to back it down to a low-tech medicated IUI, and try on our own in the interim (in case a few thousand sperm here or there decide to get off the short bus along the way), we would consider it. But I am not ready to throw in the towel and get knocked up with a stranger's spooge or to surrender my genetics to a woman I don't know (or one that I do, for that matter). Not ready for that right now.

Let me also add that I liked my current RE; really, really, like you-really-really-like-Sally-Field-liked her. But she started our little talk this morning by reminding me that if I were with another man, I would be pregnant; and if my husband were with another woman, she would be pregnant through IVF. Thanks -- should we send our divorce legal fees to you directly, or bill through your office? That was the harsh-light-of-reality speech that segued into the donor egg talk. Whatever.

Today feels like staring at a Dead End sign, pretending that I can't read. Willful ignorance is bliss.


BB said...

I am so sorry Jen! It sucks when your doctors are inconsiderate and rude! I am hoping that you can reschedule the new RE date (earlier date) and you can get the much awaited answers and testing! {HUGS}

hope4joy said...

From what I have read here a second opinion is what I would get. I have only had 1 wtf appoitnment so far, another to come shortly I am sure, and it was uninformative and left me confused and unexcited for a new cycle. So I hear you. Good luck with the new RE. I hope he doesn't have his head up his ass like the current RE.

Simple said...

Fuck fuck fuck! It's so damn unfair. I am right there with you on the 'non biological' options - I'm not near ready to give up on having my own!
I hope more than anything your new RE is more in sync with you & can be a little more sympathetic. (WTF with her comments anyway?!!!)

Pundelina said...

Jeezus! I deciphered your code without the help and got pissed off for you before even reading the post!!! Stupid doctor with her stupid lack of listen and her complete lack of nice.

I hope that your second opinion appointment comes way early - like tomorrow!!! Can't be soon enough really.

I do know that aspirin is now contraindicated due to fetal deformities, so don't go there. Heparin would be the answer to that if need be. Have you had the various antibody blood tests (APAs, ANAs etc) for clotting disorders? Steroids are a bit of an unknown, sometimes they work if there's an antibody issue, sometimes not. I find my academic access to journals such as Fertility and Sterility doesn't go astry when trying to figure stuff out so hooray to you for being an academic too.



'Murgdan' said...

I am SO glad you are getting a second opinion, Jen. It sounds like you need one...and I hope the next opinion has some hope infused into it. Sorry you had shitty WTF consult and that your RE made such an asshole statement. You know, I thought that same thing to myself many times, just because I think like that...but to have a professional SAY that to you? Oh, I would have been floored. I am floored.

Mrs. Hammer said...

"But she started our little talk this morning by reminding me that if I were with another man, I would be pregnant; and if my husband were with another woman, she would be pregnant through IVF."

I don't think I could have sat there through the meeting after an intro like that. How did you not climb over her desk and give her the smack down? I think you are making a good move to try a new RE.

On a funny note, my husband told me of a urologist in his home town whose name was Richard Tapper. And yes he did go by Dick. Dick Tapper.

JB said...

"Dr. Dick Tapper" just made my day.


Lisa said...

That lady sounds like a bitch. I'm sorry you're in the position of having to hear all this BS. I so wanted it to work! Dammit all!

Once Upon A Time said...

Ugh. I am so srry that you had to sit and listen to that. I think the second opinion is a fantastic idea. I hope you hear exactly what you want to hear this time. You are not at a Dead End yet.

There's an award for you on my blog. :)