Let me be less veiled in my contempt: fuck you, reproductive endocrinology specialist, and your bullshit suggestion that we shell out $15,000 plus my own expenses for a donor egg cycle, or try donor IUI. Not gonna happen right now.
She would/will not make changes to a third IVF cycle; we would go right back to an antagonist protocol and likely only get 1 embryo to transfer, if any. Lather, rinse, repeat, until we run out of money or my ovaries and/or head implode. This is beyond disappointing. She will not entertain adding androgens to the protocol because that might shrivel my "beautiful uterine lining." What does it matter, if we don't produce enough embryos to shove into it? I'm not sure if I got a clear answer on clotting or autoimmune testing and/or prophylaxis, just some citations of studies showing women with known clotting mutations had higher pregnancy rates. Okay, that's academically fascinating, so what about my direct question regarding aspirin or low-dose corticosteroids? And I know my T4 numbers look good, but I still want to retest for free T3 to ensure my thyroid medication is appropriate and at the best dose for my recently diagnosed autoimmune hypothyroidism. Nope. Not needed, says the MD to the PhD in Immunology. Fuckity-fuckity-fuck. Fuck.
I requested copies of our records on my way out, and am trying to move the second opinion consult up to October. If he (New RE) is willing to explore protocol modifications, I am willing to go all in for a third IVF try. With MY eggs. In either event, we are also meeting with a urologist who has poked, prodded and clinically violated my poor husband in unspeakable ways and has yet to provide us with concrete information about what the ultrasounds, scans, and bloodwork suggest. Other than super shitty sperm syndrome (SSSS, since we are always in need of new acronyms). If Dr. Wiener (not his real name) thinks it even remotely possible that a 2- to 3-month course of meds could improve KB's sperm morphology enough to back it down to a low-tech medicated IUI, and try on our own in the interim (in case a few thousand sperm here or there decide to get off the short bus along the way), we would consider it. But I am not ready to throw in the towel and get knocked up with a stranger's spooge or to surrender my genetics to a woman I don't know (or one that I do, for that matter). Not ready for that right now.
Let me also add that I liked my current RE; really, really, like you-really-really-like-Sally-Field-liked her. But she started our little talk this morning by reminding me that if I were with another man, I would be pregnant; and if my husband were with another woman, she would be pregnant through IVF. Thanks -- should we send our divorce legal fees to you directly, or bill through your office? That was the harsh-light-of-reality speech that segued into the donor egg talk. Whatever.
Today feels like staring at a Dead End sign, pretending that I can't read. Willful ignorance is bliss.