Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Thrill is Gone

Those old familiar twinges are back....but a week early. With a bit of spotting. The glass-half-full part of my brain thinks, "Holy shit! Maybe you're pregnant! We'll name him 'Jesus'!" while the more practical, buzzkill, glass-half-empty portion thinks "Lucky you -- yay, bonus days of cramping and spotting before the Big Show." I don't have any pee sticks left in the house, so I have to just wait until this weekend to see how this story ends. Uh, here's a hint: same as it ever was. (Don't tell the sunnier side of my brain there's a drug store flush with pee sticks just blocks from my house. Shhhh!)

I don't feel any hope that this month would be any different than any other. But, oh, the daydreams. I am trying to muster some excitement for this period to show because it will set the calendar for estrogen priming this cycle, and then IVF in January. I am also trying to avoid any delusions that this IVF cycle will be any different than before, but I figure you never know. There is an awful lot in this game of chance that can't be predicted. Plus, KB has been on Clomid for over two months now, so maybe his swimmers aren't so "special" anymore and could contribute to a higher fertilization rate. (We don't know if our subpar fertilization rate is consequent more to my egg maturity or his sperm issues -- another guessing game -- fun for parties!) After that, if there is an "after that," at least I know that the most recently tabulated pregnancy rate for donor egg cycles at my clinic is 89%. That's NOT the take-home baby rate, but my age and health would be a huge factor in converting that successful pregnancy rate into a successful birth rate statistic.

But I digress....enough with the wind-up before the pitch, let's get this period started already. I've got a heating pad to hug and underwear to try to ruin, for crying out loud.

6 comments:

BB said...

You definitely have something to look forward to! Either the glass half full way... or atleast getting started with your meds. Wishing you the "bestest"!

Mrs. Hammer said...

Hey you never know. With my track record this week of three friends giving birth and a "I'm pregnant, it's a miracle" annoucement from my IRL friend I wouldn't be suprised if you were next. But if not it will be fun to see if your clomid experiment did the trick!

Pundelina said...

Gawd, I hope you are miraculously pregnant and your period stays away - can we call you Mary then? Imagine.

Fingers crossed.

Has the Clomid turned your honey into a raging lunatic like it did me? Or has he stayed sane?

JB said...

A) Bleeding profusely and painfully now, so not miraculously knocked up. It seems like my period cramps have gotten worse over the past 6 months or so, maybe from so many medicated cycles over the past year...? Trying not to worry about that...

B) KB and I call his daily doses of Clomid his "Angry Pills." On the 25 mg dose, he noticed no side effects; since upping the dose to 50 mg he is irritable much of the time. I gently told him, "Welcome to the past year of my life." He only has a few more weeks to go until the SA to prove whether it worked or not. We'll have results just as we are starting our next IVF cycle.

Mrs. Hammer said...

Dang it! Seems like my pregnancy magnet wore off, sorry.

hope4joy said...

That sucks about the period but like you said a beginning to the next cycle. My periods have also been more painful and heavy. I think it is all the meds and growing and then shrinking the ovaries.

I am thinking of you.