Those old familiar twinges are back....but a week early. With a bit of spotting. The glass-half-full part of my brain thinks, "Holy shit! Maybe you're pregnant! We'll name him 'Jesus'!" while the more practical, buzzkill, glass-half-empty portion thinks "Lucky you -- yay, bonus days of cramping and spotting before the Big Show." I don't have any pee sticks left in the house, so I have to just wait until this weekend to see how this story ends. Uh, here's a hint: same as it ever was. (Don't tell the sunnier side of my brain there's a drug store flush with pee sticks just blocks from my house. Shhhh!)
I don't feel any hope that this month would be any different than any other. But, oh, the daydreams. I am trying to muster some excitement for this period to show because it will set the calendar for estrogen priming this cycle, and then IVF in January. I am also trying to avoid any delusions that this IVF cycle will be any different than before, but I figure you never know. There is an awful lot in this game of chance that can't be predicted. Plus, KB has been on Clomid for over two months now, so maybe his swimmers aren't so "special" anymore and could contribute to a higher fertilization rate. (We don't know if our subpar fertilization rate is consequent more to my egg maturity or his sperm issues -- another guessing game -- fun for parties!) After that, if there is an "after that," at least I know that the most recently tabulated pregnancy rate for donor egg cycles at my clinic is 89%. That's NOT the take-home baby rate, but my age and health would be a huge factor in converting that successful pregnancy rate into a successful birth rate statistic.
But I digress....enough with the wind-up before the pitch, let's get this period started already. I've got a heating pad to hug and underwear to try to ruin, for crying out loud.