Sunday, December 20, 2009

Yes, Virginia, There is a Sexual Cause

What to do about this....?

When all else fails, address the problem directly. *Ahem*

Dear Fertile Moron,

Princess, I implore you...no, wait, that word's too big...

...please don't have unprotected sex with any of your boyfriends and possibly make babies. And FYI, putting Coca-Cola in your cooch will not prevent pregnancy; neither will "feeling good things there" while standing up. Please, just buy a Costco-sized jar of birth control pills and spare us all the agony of another you in the world. Because you are stupid. Your mom is right, you can "becomes like pregnant" from having "it," so listen to her on this one; and also you are stupid. I can't emphasize that last point enough.

Hugs and Kisses,
Raging Infertile Lady, PhD

P.S. Is "ride the bus with me" what the kids call it these days?

P.P.S. Is anyone else amazed that she busted out the word "conceiving" in that shitacular post? Alert Mensa tout de suite.

P.P.P.S. Her fertility is assumed. The universe works that way.

5 comments:

'Murgdan' said...

I saw that today too...un-farking-believable. We'll be starting the sex education early in this household. Damn.

jenicini said...

Bet she would get knocked up the first time too! Damn her! Condoms people condoms!

Trinity said...

Eeeps... Have they really discontinued all sex education in schools? I think I was in 7th grade when I had "family life" class, and this kid's gotta be at least that old, right?

bunny said...

"Never fear! If you're worried that having sex with one of your boyfriends might result in pregnancy, just don't have sex with that boyfriend. Try another one."

hope4joy said...

WOW. That is sad and scary all at once.