I know, right: whah? Quick history lesson: KB and I met playing in a band together years ago. He joined as our new drummer and we became bandmates, friends, and then...the rest is history. The band broke up in late 2008 after our guitar player injured his arm and sustained permanent ulnar nerve damage and then freaked out, had a midlife crisis, and divorced his wife (who was our keyboard player). We got Yoko'd! Sort of. Messy. Before KB and I knew that making a baby would become a science fiction odyssey, we decided that I should beef up my guitar skillz so we could form a new band in 2009. We have plenty of musician friends, so it seemed easy enough. And then infertility stopped us in our tracks this time last year. The band became another thing I put on a shelf. So, you see, KB's gift has serious significance -- no more shrugging off every other goal because one hasn't succeeded. And now I have a kickass new amp for my beautiful swamp ash Les Paul:
I also have a renewed mission to stop putting my life on hold for an elusive dream. We had fun playing dive bars and local benefit shows for ~7 years; 2010 is the year we can get back on track doing something we love and miss. Michigan bars go smoke-free this year, too, so no worries about if, or when, we do get pregnant.
Also, I am going to take golf lessons (again) and actually make it to a (par 3) course this summer. Two years ago KB gave me a set of clubs and shoes for my birthday and I have never made it past the driving range. Since Tiger has left a leader vacuum, here I come!
Planned Parenthood: I am oddly at peace with this being our last IVF cycle with my goods and services. For now, anyway; that's subject to change with each passing day. I do feel better about the fact that, if this doesn't work, we have a Plan B ready that is sound and justified. I have shitty ovaries, so I may need someone with better reproductive materials to donate to the fund, if that's what it takes. I get it. And I think we would choose the über-expensive but practical shared risk donor program, to give us multiple attempts and a refund to cover adoption fees if all else fails. We could start home study and adoption processes during donor egg IVF cycles. We could ensure that we will have a baby on the way in 2010.
I am determined to take back control of my life this year. I am sick of feeling like a victim of poor reproductive potential, with every decision revolving around whether or not I am tethered to a cycle calendar or an ovulation prediction; I am choosing to focus on the fact that I have options rather than limitations. This alternative path to parenthood isn't what I planned, but it will be what I make of it.