Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Drug Buddy

I called my pharmacy to refill thyroid meds and prescription prenatals and ended up in a 15-minute conversation with the pharmacist because....she noticed we have the same doctor. Which means she goes to my infertility clinic. Which means she is infertile. This is the first time I have talked to a fellow infertile not on the interwebs. It felt strange, now that I am on the "other side." I was trying to process and filter everything I said very carefully, to avoid saying anything that might sound insensitive or platitude-y.

She has a child and didn't expect any trouble conceiving a second, but then got pregnant and miscarried. She couldn't get pregnant again. Her diagnosis is unexplained infertility. You know: "there's nothing wrong with you, except for whatever's clearly wrong with you." We chatted about how much money we've spent on drugs and clinic appointments, and she confided that she's just exhausted from trying and doesn't feel like it will ever work. I gave her my best heartfelt suggestion: take a break, then get back on the horse. My 3-month break from everything but vitamins did me a world of good, and I remain convinced it contributed to improved egg quality.

She congratulated me and wished me luck and I felt a little stab in my heart, because I have muttered those words bitterly many times.

IF just changes everything. Even after you beat it. Really.

6 comments:

kdactyl said...

You said it! Even after you beat IF....you are still an infertile!~ It doesn't change (unless you end up being one of those people who miraculously get pregnant after 5 years, 5 ivf's and 100k out of the bank). I'm sure you were just what your pharmacist needed.

I'm very excited about your u/s tomorrow. I have a date with the WAND as well...but just for my baseline....off we go into a new world...FET for us in March with adopted embryos. Pray it works.

kd

bunny said...

Man, that poor woman must have been hurting to reach out to someone over the phone like that. Or else she's just a big sharer. I'm glad you were able to offer some comfort. I'm really hoping (hoping just don't describe it) for a strong heartbeat tomorrow (tomorrow, right?), but from what I've read from people who make it to the other side, no amount of joy will make you back into the person you were before IF. I bet it gets harder and harder to feel entitled to your loss and grief when you're all with child, but we get it.

jenicini said...

:(

Trinity said...

I've never spoken with a Real Life Infertile--well, knowingly anyway--about Real Life Infertily. Just the thought of it gives me a lump in my throat.

Clare said...

Yes it does. So glad I just found your blog. Love your writing style on both your blogs. Looking forward to following both. Congrats on your pregnancy and wishing you the best for the coming months. I am 4 weeks pg now and just adjusting to being "on the other side" - still hasn't sunk in yet.

S said...

I had a routine visit with my primary care doc recently and mentioned that I was seeing an RE and starting IVF soon. She said "That's how I got my twins!" She went to my RE and had nothing but high praise for him, his clinic, and talked about how good his success rate is. It made me feel so good to have a real-life person I could confide in, as we are not telling anyone right now except close family that we are pursing IVF.