Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Hunky Dory

My first official OB appointment was long but awesome. Baby B is measuring 10w1d and is about the size of a kumquat (and at the risk of revealing my redneck past, whatthefuck is a kumquat?):
You're getting a full moon in this photo. There was a lot of wiggling and gyrating going on during the ultrasound; I'm pretty sure I saw some solid popping and locking. Maybe a little running man.

My new clinic is ridiculously nice; it's a spa. I mean, they actually have a spa on-site. Holy shitballs, Batman. I will have to keep this in mind for future visits. "Oh, I was running a little behind, doctor...I got tied up with getting my nails done. Sorry to keep you waiting." And the waiting room reminded me how the good the people-watching in my posh community can be. My husband and I live in a lovely suburb, but we are not Hummer-driving lawyers like many of our neighbors. We just got a good deal on a house. My fellow patients were a riot. I started giving them names once I got bored with iPhone games and let the people-watching commence -- Maureen Dowd, Twiggy, a couple of Kardashians, and the Real Housewives of Oakland County. One yuppie couple came in and jabbered loudly to some other couple about their 3rd baby, ultrasounds, the new nursery, blah, blah, blah. I just stared (kind of openly) at one of the husbands in this 4-way conversation: he had on a suit and tie, no jacket, covered by a northface vest. Douchenozzle. I refuse to buy northface (even though it might be practical in Michigan winters) only because it's like a d-bag uniform around here. You know, color-coordinated to match the Escalade or the Beemer. Ugh.

I had a great talk with the doctor and asked a zillion questions about the practice. They have a C-section rate half that of the national average. They do not perform episiotomies unless absolutely necessary. They do not shave your ladybits or give enemas during labor (and ohmygawd, I did not know about enemas during labor...glad we cleared that up because, just, no -- I am not letting anyone poke anything in my bunghole while I am trying to shove a baby out of my virginy). They offer small classes on childbirth, breastfeeding, infant CPR, and infant care. Their goal is a natural delivery, with analgesia if you ask for it. I am totally down. (I should add, too, that this doctor did the fastest pelvic exam and pap smear in recorded history -- the speculum was in, he said Big Blue is closed and >3 cm, and then out. Wham, bam; thank YOU, sir.)

My next appointment is at 12 weeks, for combined screening. It's really just an excuse to get another ultrasound.

Another milestone today, a little less worry.


bunny said...

When I was about 5 I stole a kumquat from the grocery store. My mother freaked out and called me a kleptomaniac. So I'm afraid of kumquats now. Your spa clinic sounds sublime. I was hoping you'd get an ultrasound with choice of aroma therapies. Relaxing lavender, perhaps?

Kait said...

I'm so glad your ultrasound went well. Your baby is gorgeous! Thanks for sharing!

Hey, are you in Oakland, CA? I live in San Francisco! If you're really in the Bay Area we should get together sometime. You're probably no where near here though, in which case I'll feel very silly.

Kait @ esperanzasays.wordpress.com

jenicini said...

Haha, kumquats are just the strange oblong orange looking things that are about an inch and a half long. My friends had a tree in their backyard--good old Southern Cali.

Your clinic sounds AWESOME! Whoot!

Lisa said...

I don't know why they insist on comparing fetuses to the most obscure produce out there. There were many weeks that I had no idea what they were referencing.

It's fun to see the ultrasound when baby is actually starting to resemble a baby. So exciting!!

Trinity said...

Hello, Posh Spice. Your baby's full moon made me reference your floating shrimp, who now looks decidedly less like a piece of sweet and sour shrimp and more like a baby. A kumquat baby. What do I know about a kumquat? Only that it's gotta be worth at least a 100 triple-word-score scrabble points. ;)

Glad it was a good appointment!

ASP said...

Your bebe looks like a little sea turtle swimming in this picture. ♥♥♥

Clare said...

Great news on the u/s. Very happy to hear things are marching along well. Love your writing, love your blog.

'Murgdan' said...

Love it love it love it. :-) And what a cute little mooning kumquat.

Mrs. Hammer said...

Glad to hear the good news. If you think the enema is shocking wait till you hear about the spray bottle cleaning after delivery, yikes!.

Once Upon A Time said...

Yay for another milestone down! The difference between 10 and 12 weeks will amaze you. Your kumquat is beautiful. :)

Pundelina said...

Just for you


Baby B looks purrrfect and the spa-clinic and doctor sound great too.

Hooray for smooth sailing!