Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Paint It Black

I got an offer (pre-qualified! limited time!) for a Visa black card.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ha.

Okay, that's out of my system. They have clearly mistaken the flow of money out of our household for wealth rather than the medical desperation it has been. Fools. Anyway, I am wholly uninterested in paying an annual fee of $495 for the privilege of making myself more broke. Although, the rules and regulations have a footnote that informs me, only 1% of the US population is offered a black card. Oooh. It entitles me to 24-hour concierge service! An exclusive(!) rewards program! VIP(!) airport lounge access! Luxury gifts! And it's made with carbon! Wow. So is most everything that resides on Earth. Like pencils, bacon fat, bong water, and a fair percentage of dog turds. Well, you know what they say: I bet once you go black, you don't go back. Or something. But haven't these banktards heard about the credit, mortgage, foreclosure, unemployment, and healthcare crises? Where have they been? Partying with Goldman Sachs? I'm still paying off the five-figure IVF clinic and pharmacy balance on my Mastercard, so I'll pass.

In other not-so-equally amusing news, I learned today that my group at work is mandated to overtime (45 hours of billable work per week, with any nonbillable internal meetings or training piled on top of that) from now until whenever. Apparently several business units that I suspect are comprised primarily of lazy assholes are falling far short of their productivity goals for the first quarter; now the rest of us more responsible and industrious employees in the successful business units get to pick up the slack. This just kicks ass seven ways to awesome. My usual 40 hours per week already feels like eternal damnation right now -- this can only make it rock harder. Supposedly, if we make up the slack by second quarter we will return to business as usual. If not, I will locate the homes of the lazy a-hole squad and knock some skulls. Detroit what?

7 comments:

jenicini said...

Don't wait for second quarter, go start bonking those heads now! My favorite financial aspect is my dear old alma mater asking me for a minimum donation of $300. Really people? Minimum? Is it just not worth it if I give you $50?

bunny said...

Your bouncing baby sure looks a lot more like a baby now! Duuude, I agree with Jenicini, isn't there something you can do to stop the work madness NOW? Maybe you can take a medical leave and just live off your visa black card for a while!

Trinity said...

I just *love* that whole "punish the good kids" approach. Burning out your competent workers sounds like fine management to me! Ugh. Hang in there. ;)

I didn't get my first credit card until I was in my mid 20's. Something about seeing many of my friends in college rack up thousands of dollars of debt over dumb stuff like pizza and beer made me a bit gun-shy. Debt freaks me out. Can't wait 'til I'm officially responsible for all my student loans! Weeeee!

ASP said...

I meant to say something about your bebe on the side too! It actually looks like a baby now instead of a little shrimp! ;) Grow baby grow! Doesn't P Diddy or Kanye have a visa black card too? You should totally get one because they have one. That'd be cool.

Kait said...

Congrats on the VISA black card, even if you're not going to get it.

I'm sorry to hear about work. I wish I could tell you that being at work while pregnant gets better, but honestly it doesn't. I feel more and more like I just can't muster the enthusiasm to care about anything that goes on in my classes right now. I hate grading papers and I hate making plans. It's so hard to be here every day. I think it's because I have something so much more amazing to plan for and look forward to, work just can't compare! Good luck getting through!

Kait @ esperanzasays.wordpress.com

kdactyl said...

ha ha....you and I are in the 1% together. We got one of those recently too! And I think it was because we also ran 2 years of fert treatment through our credit cards just to get the cash back. We were lucky enough to be able to pay them off almost immediately but it sent a false sense of cashflow out to the creditors. My husband and I laughed and laughed at the terms on that card. Too funny!

As for work...that sucks ass badly...I assume there are no increased financial gains for you through this though right? That just sucks!!!! I'm glad my days of that kind of work are over.

You are coming up on your OB appt right? Can't wait to see those U/S photos.

kd

hope4joy said...

That is awesome about the card. You just can't make this stuff up. The whole OT thing at work sux big time. Don't you love picking up the slack for less productive fools? I always enjoy it.

the floating baby looks much better now. It freaks me out when they are all lima bean and shrimp like.