No, not of baybee. This is a work-related rant. Start with Exhibit A:
And there are the all-mighty pharmaceutical corporate processes. We are required to follow oodles of SOPs and process mandates so complex it takes a degree in library science just to locate them, let alone follow them. But follow them we must. Part of my job is to enforce these processes, since I prepare the regulatory documentation of the clinical research we plan, that gets sent to study investigational sites and eventually to the FDA or EU regulators. Saying that it's like herding cats is too cliche and too much of an understatement; it's more like getting a room full of cracked-out, rabid monkeys into a tiny cage (without getting pegged with poo, or your face ripped off by a pissed-off chimp). My team members like to waste precious meeting time taking turns bitching about how stupid the processes are, and finding sneaky ways to deviate and just do it their way. Listen, assholes, you are not the decision-makers, you are the decision-followers. When you rise up and become the Executive Director/Overlord/Emperor, you can use whatever process you fancy. But for now, you are but a minion, a tiny cog in a huge pill-manufacturing and money-making machine. [In my best sorority initiation voice: "Fry like bacon, little piggies!"]
I had to run today's meeting to lay out the various risks we are taking by moving forward toward internal approvals without key study design decisions made, for the sake of getting something done sooner rather than right. I had to introduce the concept (lo!) of risk mitigation to limit errors, omissions, failure to get approval (FAIL!), and blowing the project timeline out of the water. Yeah, it was a blast. I had to play bad cop for a solid hour. But, can I say, it was sort of fun? I am actually in my element when I am kicking ass and taking names. It made me feel kind of energized today. Hell, I might do some laundry. Living the dream here, people.
It sucks that, with a PhD and years of experience, I outrank -- and dare I say, outsmart -- half of my team; but, I am a contractor, so that knocks me down about three rungs on the ladder. [sigh] I miss being feared/respected by my students when I was an academic scientist. It was a real perk. I used to keep this picture on my lab bench to remind me what a Philosophy degree might have wrought: