Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'll Take Potpourri for $400, Alex

Shit: Pain. So much of it. In my hips, in my pelvis, in my intestines, in my bladder, in my ribs, in the general region where my diaphragm may/should be, in my neck, my back (uh-oh, there's a dirty club song coming to mind right about now...). The childbirth class instructor keeps harping on how important it is to exercise, walk miles and miles, and so on, and I just can't. One trip down and back up the stairs to do laundry or find something in the basement sends me to the couch for an hour to recover from the pain and contractions. I mean, shit, y'all. Six-plus weeks to go. And time to finish up the baby preparations, I suppose. Speaking of which...

Showered: I had a coworker baby shower last weekend that was fun, and I actually received gifts I can use. Practical gifts! (Most of these ladies are moms, some with small kids or babies, so they are very aware of what you will need versus what you they want you to have. Good on them.) My mother-in-law is either confused or in denial about this shower having been for me (she thinks I attended someone else's, even though I've told her a million-plus times about it). I guess we can't have anything stealing her thunder. She continues to make elaborate plans that I don't really feel I'm up for, but I keep telling myself that it's only one day, and it's the thought that counts, blah, blah, blah. She's a lovely woman and I know she means well. It's just that having to get up early to bathe, blowdry and style my usually-ponytailed hair, put on non-homeless human clothes, and generally groom myself for hours of public viewing takes a tremendous amount of effort. And I still melt into a pathetic cold-sweat-dizzy-headache-nauseous puddle after about 2 hours despite whatever mammoth effort I put into "taking it easy." I don't know how I'll survive this circus being planned for friends and family. I hear rumors of stupid amounts of food, gigantic flower centerpieces, and at least 87 different kinds of punch/cocktails/etc. I have to at least try to gussy up for this, instead of my usual t-shirt and a pair of KB's gym shorts. Speaking of which...

Shaved: I can barely get to my legs anymore to groom them. I am prepared to go full gorilla soon if it gets any harder. Thank gawd I am pale and blonde. I can at least be an exotic albino gorilla.

7 comments:

jenicini said...

Yay for practical things!!!!! I had a beautiful lovely shower in which I received enough clothes to never have to buy anything for my child for the next two years. However, the practical stuff off my registry is still there waiting for me to purchase. :)

Just keep repeating...it's only one day! Insist that there is a comfy chair for you to perch in during the party and let people come to you in all of your gussied up splendor.

Go gorilla!!!

Lisa's mom said...

You know, it doesn't seem fair that you should go through such heroics to simply get knocked up, and THEN have a miserable pregnancy to boot. Wishing for you that time speeds along until you're holding your precious little one in your arms. It will all be worth it, but at the moment I know this little one seems a bit abstract. Hang in there. Hope things miraculously get better for you.

Lisa said...

Ha ha, my mom has turned into a total blog junkie.

Will you be an exotic albino gorilla that throws poop at your MIL for making your shower into a circus? Hope it turns out better than you fear.

Kelly said...

It's so nice that your co-workers gave you a shower AND practical gifts to boot.

I know the big family shower leaves a lot to be desired, but like you said, it's one day. You'll make it through! Plus, you'll get a bunch of free shit, which is always a plus.

Rosie said...

On the pain front, I'm finding that even a few minutes floating in a pool releases joints, and it seems to be the only "exercise" that lets your ribs relax, which is my own biggest pain point at the moment. So for what it's worth, if you have any body of water available, I highly recommend.

Trinity said...

Awww, mang. I hate that you're miserable. I do. It just seems like a giant nutpunch that you have to deal with this shit. HATE. :/

The hubster advised me last week that I have "a lot of hair down there", implying that things have apparently gotten a wee bit native. Whatevs! I say BRING THE NATIVE, JEN.

And yay to fun, prudent baby shower haps! (I am expecting a full-blown accounting of MIL's shower, you know.)

Mrs. Hammer said...

He he, I can't wait for the post-shower report. Glad you had at least one normal shower.