I ponied up $4.99 to get the Total Baby app on my iPhone and am now obsessed with it. As in, I must record every baby-related thing that happens on time, every day. Feedings, pees and poos, naps, baths, immunizations, and extras like pumping and taking walks. Well, hello OCD, it's been too long. The last time we met it was a dark, crowded exam room and I was injecting my once-flat(ter) belly with so, so many needles full of baby-making drugs...I swear, it's crossed my mind to record my own, um, accomplishments for posterity given the rarity with which I can take a leisurely shower, eat a meal (or two bites of whatever I grab from the fridge first), or pee or poo without attempting to multi-task beyond human ability to get done before The Boy awakens with The Loneliness or The Hunger. A friend of a friend is a nanny and I'm meeting her Thursday to discuss part-time help a couple of days per week, so I can use my new Y membership and go buy diapers and maybe sneak in a shower and some more boob-pumping time without rushing or having to complete a task with a screaming baby in the background. On the one hand I'm super excited about having a few hours of free time, but on the other hand I kind of feel like I must be an epic Mommy Fail to need the help in the first place. Oh, well. I'm going to err on the side of sanity, I suppose. Jackson is still very much in need of hands-on care all day, and doesn't much like to nap anywhere but in my arms, so I can either remain paralyzed all day -- also slightly ripe from lack of daily hygiene as I once knew it -- or accept help. Happy Mommy, happy baby. So be it.
And there is no shortage of assvice on how to get him to take naps in the crib, bassinet, swing, or any other location that is not me. (Hell, if he would nap in the dog bed, I would be all for it.) My mother-in-law keeps reminding me that if only I could put him on his stomach to sleep, he would nap like a champ, like her kids did. If only. Hint, hint. (Also, if only I could give him water he wouldn't be so thirsty all the time. Cause I'm sure that's what he's rooting for, a nice bottle of crisp, refreshing Evian.) My only defense (as I've run out of patience explaining) is to show the assvice-givers that if you lay him down, half- or fully-asleep, in any bed-type contraption (crib, bassinet, swing, bouncer) during a daytime nap he A) immediately wakes up and B) commences raging. And he's way too young to cry it out -- the pediatrician recommended letting him fuss (not cry, just fuss) for up to 10 minutes before throwing in the towel and picking him up. It works on occasion, but only for about 20 minutes, tops, of napping time. So the assvice-givers have seen this with their assvice-having eyes, yet don't stop giving the assvice. So be it.
Lastly, Daylight Savings Time sucks. I thought it sucked before, but now it double extra sucks. It has thrown off what fledgling schedule we were developing by several hours (why not just 1 hour, I do not know). So suck it, DST, you filthy whore. I hate you and your ilk. *flips double birds*