Friday, March 4, 2011

All Roads Lead to Rome

Early this morning, around 6AM, I crept into Jackson's room for his very-early-morning feeding and after he released his latch, satisfied and softly sighing, I rocked him in my arms for a little while before putting him back in his crib for the remainder of his "nighttime" sleep. I studied his face, his breathing, his fine blonde hair, the quiet noises he makes when he's dreaming. And I wept. I thought about so many things I've been through in my life, many of them awful and inexplicable, and how I've survived. I thought about the roads less traveled, the opportunities taken and passed upon, the sacrifices and the choices. They have all led me to him. To this beautiful, perfect, round cherub-faced boy. KB and I are lucky beyond measure. Just a few days ago, we were standing over Jackson's crib watching him kick his crib aquarium, having figured out how to turn it on and off with a foot or a fist, and laughing over what a clever boy he is. And KB turned to me and said, pointing at our son, "You did good."

And so today, I contemplate what is important, and I thank every atom of the universe for my family. To get to here, I would endure it all over again. For the first time in my life, I know where I belong.

10 comments:

ASP said...

Esperanza said...

What a beautiful post. I have tears stinging behind my eyes. Thank you for reminding me of how lucky I am, though I'm reminded daily by my beautiful daughter.

bunny said...

A lovely, heartfelt post. I'm really looking forward to watching you enjoy your time with him in lower-stress circumstances.

hope4joy said...

How beautiful. I am so happy for you and your husband.

Trinity said...

it's oh so gorgeously true.

thanks for making me cry before i go to bed, sitting here watching my husband rock our own universe-altering
cherub. gawd, how it all has changed.

XXX

Cheri said...

So glad to hear you're at peace with this decision. You can conquer the world again later, Kid. Gotta go get a Kleenex now . . .

kdactyl said...

ditto!

Kelly said...

Aww... love this.

kmina said...

Awww, I am so happy for you! You did really good.
I hope the sleep regression thing is done and you are back to normal again. Or at least you get enough sleep to function as a human being, not a zombie.

Roccie said...

Ahhhh, warm heart. Thank you.