Thursday, March 31, 2011

Don't Panic!

I must have this.

Product Description

BABIES. Maybe you’re thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you’ve already got one around the house, somewhere, and you’re responsible for its continued survival. You’re saddled with a helpless being whom you’ve agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less. Either way, you’re confused, you’re frightened, and 911 won’t take your calls anymore. But don’t despair! Let’s Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:

- How can I be sure I’m pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)
- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)
- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)
- How can I tell if I’ve chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can’t pronounce “stethoscope.”)
- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)

From the moment they’re created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby’s first steps. They know everything!

3 comments:

bunny said...

I'm totally in a good place to panic about babies! Not a problem!

My brother has a theory that first born children (of which he is one, and he's got two kids) secrete some kind of pheromone-like substance that makes their parents freak out.

(P.S. I saw your nice and encouraging comment on Roccie's post and can't resist: the plural of corpus luteum is corpora lutea. Not like you couldn't have looked it up, but I'm a Latin dork who just can't miss such an opportunity.)

Trinity said...

I have been brainstorming ways to subtly cue family members to purchase this for me, perhaps for my Easter basket. We'll see if it works. :)

hope4joy said...

I need this book. Funny as hell.