Wednesday, March 9, 2011

How I Love to Hate You

Therapy. I know I need it, yet I dread it. I leave every session feeling raw, like I've just ripped a bandaid off an almost-healed wound. But that's the mirage, you see -- it's not really that close to being healed. So, more therapy. I have work to do. Anxiety issues, control issues, post-pregnancy body image issues, identity issues, issues issues. Most of what I want to talk about with my last-of-a-dying-breed-talk-psychotherapist can probably be tossed into the garden-variety-parenting-stress bucket, but I am one of those people who showed up to the party a few drinks in already. Sometimes even the little things, maybe especially the little things, unravel me a bit. I haz coping ishews.

So far, being voluntarily unemployed isn't so bad, really. I took a nap yesterday (!) to make up for the sleep I am not getting at night, courtesy of one 15-pound overlord. Our sleep regression has reached a new high (or is it a low?) with nightly wakings every 1-2 hours for several nights in a row, punctuated by a normal night of sleep with 1 or 2 wakings (acceptable), then lather, rinse, repeat. Last night we began a modified Ferber method. Hate. But have to do it. We let him fuss and cry for a few minutes, checked on him, let it go a few more minutes, checked on him, and did this for close to an hour with 10 minute intervals. We had to repeat it twice last night before he went back to sleep. So, no one is sleeping. I sincerely hope it works itself out with minimal repetition really fucking soon because I don't know which is worse, getting up every 1-2 hours and ending up nursing a baby who demands it only because he knows I'll provide it, or listening to him cry off and on for an hour. Twice. Hate this cry-it-out shit, even though we're taking a very moderate approach. Still. Torture on every front.

On an utterly unrelated note, I am going to my neighbor's daughter's (got that?) bridal shower on Saturday. And (Ripley's!) believe it or not, I have never attended a bridal shower before. Never had one of my own, either. Not my thing. She has a registry, as pointed out on the shower invite, but it's all full of the marital property crap -- colanders, table settings, etc. Is this what she wants for her bridal shower gift, then? Should I go rogue and buy her something unique? I assume some jackhole will probably show up with furry handcuffs as a gag gift or something, although this is a Very Catholic Family, so perhaps not. But I would never. Not unless it could be done anonymously. At any rate, what say you, Bloggy Friends, re: bridal shower gifting? Other than the registry items, was there something you got or gave at a bridal shower that was capital-A-Awesome?


Lauren said...

In my own experience, I got pissed when so many people DIDN'T listen to my registry. I NEEDED and WANTED that stuff, and I didn't need the crap they bought me! We didn't live together beforehand, so there were a lot of things we needed and couldn't afford to buy everything ourselves. It really pissed me off when I got 8 frickin salad bowl sets, considering I didn't register for A SINGLE ONE!

If you buy off the registry, at least you know they want it. And they spent ALL THAT TIME creating a registry for a reason!

I hope the ferber method works out for you sooner rather than later. We had to do full on CIO when my son was 7 months because he was BRUTAL at sleeping. Never recovered from the 4 month sleep regression. Luckily, the longest he ever cried at that point was half an hour. Then he would go to sleep.

I knew from previous experience trying the "leave and check" method that it did NOT work for my kid and only fueled his cries so that he would go on for hours and hours. If he never saw me, it was a 30 minute max. Next time 20 minutes. Next time 10. Very quickly it became nothing.

But he DID have an 11 month sleep regression we dealt with recently that involved much more than 30 minutes of crying. Are sleep struggles ever really over???

Esperanza said...

I'm not married so I never had a bridal shower (or a wedding) but I would guess that you should just get her something off her registry because being your neighbor's daughter you probably don't know her all that well. If it were a good friend, I'd say go rogue.

I'm sorry the sleeping is shit right now. I'd say I remember those days, but really I don't. It's all a fog and I can't really remember how hard it was. Though I do know how hard it is now with my daughter waking up more than often and then having to go to work. That sucks.

hope4joy said...

I don't have any sleeping advice. I do hope for the best though cause up every 1-2 hours sounds way shittttttty. As far as the gift goes I would buy from the registry. The peeps that went rouge for my bridal shower didn't do so hot.

Anonymous said...

In my culture, there is no bridal shower, THANK GOD. So, no assvice in that direction.

Sleep wise: I am so sorry. I hope it gets better soon. Sleep whenever you can, that is my assvice.

Trinity said...

I'm glad you're ripping off the band-aid, friend. It is hard work, and keep with it as long as you can. You gotta take care of Mama.

Yay to naps! The finger to continued sleep regression! I'm dreading what will come our way with sleep. He's still in the bed with us, now out of the little in-bed co-sleeper we were using (he outgrew it). Once he stirs I wake up and basically nurse him (while he's still half asleep) right back to sleep. He does this about twice a night. It works for us (by us, I mean ME because N, um, never wakes up), and I don't mind it. But I don't know how I'd handle a real waking complete with crying and woe X 10. Hope this passes soon for you!

Regarding the registry, I tend to be a rogue off-the-registry kind of girl, but only for people I know well. I like making it something personal. I ordered one of these for the last bridal shower I went to:

But, as far as my baby registry went...I was pissed when people didn't buy from the registry...or at least didn't take inspiration from it. Like, if I have a registry filled with lovely eco-friendly things like cloth diapers and cloth wipes, this should be a sign that I DO NOT WANT THOSE HONKEY DENIM-STYLE DISPOSABLE DIAPERS FOR MY CHILD. So, if you go rogue, don't do the honkey denim disposable diaper equivalent. ;)

Kelly said...

Oh man, so sorry about the sleep situation. You must feel desperate at this point--I know I would. Good luck!

As for the registry stuff, I agree with what most have said here. I spent hours looking for just the right things for my wedding registry and, wouldn't you know it, I ended up getting NOTHING from it. I mean, it was obvious people had looked at it, because they bought me the same things, just not the brand or type I wanted. So, instead of replacing my shitty plastic tupperware with the nice, stackable kind I wanted, I ended up just getting more shitty plastic tupperware. You get the idea. If you go rogue, I totally agree with Trinity--make it personal. Since you probably don't know this chick well, I'd play it safe and order from the registry.

bunny said...

I'm covering my eyes for the sleep regression part. LA LA LA babies love to sleep all night! But the therapy--sounds like a good thing, and I'm glad you know when you need it. Too bad you dread it, though! I always enjoyed paying someone to watch me cry and listen to me talk about myself.

I've never been to a bridal shower either, but hear penis-shaped pasta is the thing to get... I think if the registry is listed on the invite, it makes sense to get the garlic press or whatever. I mean, why else would she list that registry? Anyway, hope it's a good time!

finch said...

Ahh, sleep regression. I feel your pain. But in my experience, each regression is followed by slightly better-than-before-regression sleep. Eventually. I hope it gets better soon.

I was given a few beautiful items that weren't on the registry. Mostly one-of-a-kind pottery/artisan type stuff that just isn't available at the kinds of stores that have registries. I liked them cause I would never splurge on that kind of thing myself.

P.S. - I loved your comment re: jury duty. Cracked me up.

Roccie said...


Still lol.