Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Loose Ends

Three more days to go. I am trying to actively disengage from work (telling myself as often as is necessary: "____ is not my problem, I will no longer work here after Friday"). It's not my style to be lazy or lackadaisical, so it's proving to be a real learning experience for me to just let go.

Not-random aside: I've worked nonstop since I was 14 years old. I've always worked as much as was possible, even holding down two jobs in college to pay the bills and my own tuition. It started out as simply necessary, and became my modus operandi by the time I finished college and began working to save for grad school. And then there was grad school, and the postdoc, both are which are gauntlets in their own right. I immediately moved into a corporate position in the pharmaceutical industry (thus beginning my medical writing career) and was shifted upward through the ranks into management at breakneck speed. And then infertility kicked my ass like a tin can up and down the street. So I backed off, took another job working from home as a writer with no management responsibilities, and decided being a good worker bee would have to suffice. And then the baby came. And the job became harder-than-expected hard. And now I am three days away from being unemployed. As the kids say, FTW?

I've already had another potential job offer floated my way, which would be another full-time, work-from-home gig but with a smallish company I know a lot about (including a friend working there and another potentially taking a position there soon). This company has a strong reputation for treating its employees well and being flexible, so if I get a call about the job, I will seriously consider it. I just can't seem to fully wrap my head around the notion of staying at home and not working for a while. Does. not. compute.

Until then, I have my to-do list for Friday afternoon, and it looks like this:
  • Call and make an appointment for a haircut (it's been moooooonths)
  • Call and make an appointment for a pedicure (while my last paycheck is burning a hole in my pocket; my feet deserve to be treated like Sheen-esque goddesses minus the confusing Sanka brewing directions and the suitcase full of coke)
  • Call and make an appointment to meet with a personal trainer (KB bought a 12-session package as a Christmas gift but I have had zero time to use it, so I've gotta start sooner than later to whip this saggy postpartum ass back into fighting shape)
  • Call and make an appointment with my therapist (we haven't met in over a year and a half, but I feel like there's some work to do to get anxiety and stress dialed down under "11")
Ooh, and take some naps. That is high on the priority list as we are in the throes of a shitty, shitty sleep regression thingy right now. Like, up every hour after midnight for the past three or four nights, thing. Woe.

Back to pretending to give a shit for a little longer today. Three more days...


Lauren said...

Oh, sleep regressions are awful!! I hope you make it through that, soon!

I've always been a hard worker, too (although it sounds like not as hard as you!) But when it comes to the kid thing I had/have a completely different experience. You can't wrap your head around the idea of staying at home and not working, whereas I absolutely CANNOT wrap my head around letting someone else take care of MY baby while I go back to work. I can't even fathom that scenario. I would be totally miserable, and so would my husband and son. And we're doing everything we can to top up DH's income so that it's meeting ALL the bills and cutting out as many extras as we need to to make ends meet.

It's funny how moms can be programmed so differently. I hope you find your groove, or find another job that is a better fit!

bunny said...

I just want to clink glasses with you as one paid-her-own-way-through-college girl to another. That was not easy, but we did it. And I also couldn't imagine a life without gainful employment until recently, so I feel 'ya. It's going to be a TRANSITION. But hopefully a really good one. And I for one hope you get to experience it before signing up for another job, just to see what it feels like, but I find it hard to imagine you won't get an offer from Good Reputation, Inc. Anyhow, in the meantime, enjoy taking care of yourself for a bit.

finch said...

I want your to-do list. Or at least the haircut, pedicure and nap bits. Like Bunny, I hope you get a chance to enjoy some downtime before starting a new job. You've really been through the ringer lately and I might be tempted to add a long massage to that list. Only 3 days to go. Woo hoo!

ASP said...

You have a nice to-do list! The pt is going to be great for you! As much as it's going to suck going, you'll love it and your boooootay is going to thank you for it! ;)

Please be sure you take a break from work. You owe it to your Working Since You Were 14 Years Old self. You deserve and owe it yourself and J (not to mention, K!).

Ugh, sleep regression? That sucks. Could he be teething or something? Babies are strange little birds sometimes and the things they do can be so random. Hope he's back on his regular sleep schedule soon.

Now go get some naps! ;)

Trinity said...

I like your to-do list so much better than mine, which as included such fucking tripe as 1)schedule appointment with associate wellness office to be cleared for return to work;2) order new pants and dresses for work because even though I have lost all my baby weight I am still one size larger (WTF); and 3)get script from ped so that the daycare will stop being fucktarded about using my cloth diapers.

Personal bitching aside... I have a bucketful of admiration for you right now for pruning the excess stress and for taking care of yourself. You, my friend, are seriously worthy of this. :)

Sweet nap dreams!

hope4joy said...

I love the to do list. Yeah for hair and nail treatment. So what is causing the sleep regression? 3 more days... ahhh, I think you will love it.