Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Ranting and Raving

Ahem. Le bullets.
  • My period is now regular (~30-day cycle). Yay? This means it should come again while we are on vacation at our friend's wedding. Not yay. *shakes fist at mother nature*
  • Jackson is still anti-nursing. He may have effectively weaned himself. All the super-pro-breastfeeding information sources (LLL, kellymom, Dr. Sears, etc.) swear on a stack of What To Expect baby manuals that babies under the age of 1 JUST NEVER EVER self-wean, but I've tried to encourage him to nurse for over a week now and he is simply not interested. He no longer fusses about it, but makes no attempt to latch and just waits for the bottle to come. So, that's that. I'll keep offering, I suppose, because I like the feeling of my head against a brick wall. And I'll keep pumping so he can continue to be breastfed until we switch to moo-milk in a few weeks. But I doubt I'll be able to pump enough to cover his usual consumption, and when the freezer stash runs out I'll have to supplement with formula. It's not what I planned, and not what I want, but it's probably just necessary. And so I am pushing myself toward the acceptance phase of this grief. I wish I could keep nursing him, but the stars aligned in some fucked up way and it appears to be over. Like, ovah. At least he's still cuddly while he slurps his bottle. I've got that going.
  • He just cut two teeth at once. I don't believe it's twice as bad as one tooth at a time, I think it's actually on a logarithmic scale. The poor kid gets a fever (in the morning and fever all through the night...) and a whole-body rash to add insult to his sore gum injury. But both of these teeth (upper front two) have cut the gum, so hopefully the worst is over. His sleep is still pretty decent outside of a couple of nights last week with frequent wakings and a lot of rocking back to sleep (my secret weapon -- nursing -- has been disarmed). His smile is gummy no more. Now it's ta-ta-toothy.
  • I am planning the shit out of his first birthday party. It won't be a huge thing, just family and a few friends, but it's super important to me that it's special. That every birthday is special. I don't recall ever having a birthday party, or even a big deal being made of my birthday, for a variety of reasons traced back to shitty parenting. So, at the risk of sounding like one of those parents who live vicariously through their children, I want to plan really special celebrations for him. Starting either next year or the following, I'll let him pick the theme and invite his "friends" but for this year, I get to go nuts with it. The theme: sock monkeys. There will be pictures. Also, I've made crafty shit for it. Involving a sewing machine. Truth.
  • I am getting worse, not better, at keeping my shit together when family members get in my parenting bidniss. I sometimes envision punching them in the face to make myself feel better. Seriously. Situational examples: 
    • Deliberately distracting him while I am trying to feed him in his highchair
    • Offering him cookies and passive-aggressively insulting me when I say "we don't give him cookies," including trying to convince me that cookies don't have sugar in them and then switching the rationale to "well, I raised my kids on it..." like I'm supposed to give a shit about that
    • Crowding around and hovering when I change his diaper like he's a circus chimp performing for their entertainment -- it's shit, people, very smelly and foul shit accompanied by piss, so let's take a step back and let me tend to it
  • Speaking of, we are having huge success with cloth diapering at home, and it's just downright helpful when he gets rashy from the teething, or heat, or wearing sunscreen a lot, or whatever. He has delicate skin I guess. We're using mostly gDiapers at home and it's so stinking easy. I let KB use the biodegradable inserts so he doesn't have to handle the cloth insert, but we just use those sparingly (spendy!). It helps with diaper rash and heat rash so, so much. I haven't sent them to school yet, but I may request a meeting with the head teacher in the infant classroom to discuss it this fall (like, next month). It's really just not that hard. I wish I had known more about and been more confident of it sooner. If we have another baby I wouldn't hesitate to use cloth right away.
  • I am grappling with mixed emotions as my teensy weensy baby becomes a toddler. He's on the verge of walking! He babbles with purpose and seems to "know" a few "words"! He eats honest-to-god grown up people food by the tiny fistful! It's amazing and fascinating to watch him grow and develop his personality and skills, but it also breaks my heart to cross things off the list as we move past all the milestones. No more nursing. No more baby sleeping on my chest. No more helpless newborn. Instead, I have this massively funny little moppet with curly blond hair that seems to grow an inch a week and who is ready to lead me on chases around the house and who loves to swing at the park and who gives me hugs before bed and when he wakes up in the morning. Bittersweet. To say the least.
  • Will we try to have another baby? I don't know. A few months ago I felt so confident about it, and now maybe a little more ambivalent. I think that's mainly a product of wanting to focus on Jackson and not put energy into thinking about a hypothetical baby. But I still think I want to try, maybe early next year. Now that my periods seem to be regulating, I am surely going to have a surprise pregnancy any day. For sure. You'll all be the first to know.

8 comments:

Roccie said...

Next baby planning was hard. My RE had me and my old ass eggs back in the ring after 6 mos.

I know this sounds like such craziness but I was terrified I was trying too soon after Toddlerina was born. Felt like I wasnt giving her the right level of attention she deserved.

Is it anything like that?

kmina said...

I have just bben able to watch the video of last post - very funny. :-)

As for the bullets- I am very sorry about the weaning. I would blame your MIL for it, ans her subversive crap. Seriously now though, I had no idea a baby until one could do that. George also had two teeth cutting through at once, but for him nursing was the only source of comfort. Huh, I guess babies DO come in various shapes and personalities... (forgive me the dumb moment)

It took me only a couple of barking quite agressively " stop doing that" and my distracting agents disappeared when I was feeding him in the high chair. And I think a bit more of the "stop talking dirty or you'll never speak to my child again". My MIL uses this slang full of swearing and indecent words and she twists words to sound dirty and I have been meaning to cut her shit so to say in ages. Now I do mean it, I do not want my child to pick up those words and spew them out randomly as children do. Snce we effectively stopped talking to her for months at a time, she knows I can and will do that. So she stopped. She alludes to this frequently, but if she knows what's better for her, she'll stop that as well. Soon.

Look how swiftly I turned this into ME? I hun around MIL too long this vacation...

Anyway. Have a wonderful time planning the birthday! I can't wait to see the pictures and to hear all abot it.

Trinity said...

Argh, total heartbreak on the anti-nursing, man. My MIL said that N weaned at 5mo, just started totally refusing le boob for no discernable reason. This is what motivated me to super-duper delay introducing solids and basically freak out about anything that might somehow interfere with BFing. NOT in ANY way suggesting that there was an indentiable prompt for Jackson's boobie boycott, just sharing my own fierce neuroses.Anyway, point is, all babies are different, grow differently. You're doing an admirably good job with this, you really are. X

We just cut a second tooth on the bottom, and I wanted to cut a bitch. I shudder at the thought of two at the same time. Mad props to the ta-ta-toothy one.

I hear you on the birthday sitch. My [insane/whorebag/unstable at best] youngest sister's birthday is the day after mine, just weeks before Christmas, so birthdays were always minimized and under-sentimental affairs. Poor Arlo's birthday is just days before Christmas, and I am biting my nails over a lifetime of somehow maintaining a boundary b/w his birthday and Christmas. And, sock monkeys? Natch.

ARGH to interfering, fucktarded family members. I am so fed up with that shit. It's the worst.

Rebecca said...

Wow he seems to be growing fast. You certainly have your hands full with the family getting in the way. I agree about cloth diapers. I'm planning on using those, if I have a child (fingers crossed).

kdactyl said...

Both my babies self weaned before a year...they just got too busy to spend that time at the breast and the biting didn't help either. I just went with it even though it made me a little sad.

Love the bday planning. Our youngest is 1 on Nov 17th and I am currently booking a flight out of town for that day....just a cooincidence but I am feeling terribly guilty about it. we will have her party the weekend before and I have not got a CLUE what we will do...but it needs to be as good/equal to her brother's or I will feel terribly guilty.

We are also a cloth diaper family and I switched my son around the same age you did yours because of rashes and sensitive skin. We used FLIPS...very similar to the G-diapers but they have snap enclosures ... but also have the disposable insert for convenience when needed. We love cloth and have been pretty much 95% cloth on our 2nd baby. So glad to hear you are loving it....beware though...some of them out there are soooo cute...you will get sucked in by the cute factor.

I pishaw anyone who tells me how to raise my kids....I just nod and tell them I am glad that worked for you 40 YEARS AGO...but these are different times, different parents and and different kids....please respect our decisions as the parents.

Oh...#2...it was just after William turned 1 that we started really considering a 2nd...and...like you...there were no possibilities of that "Post IVF suprise baby"...so we had to plan. It was daunting and scary...but by the time he was 20 months...we were pregnant (once again...not naturally)...They are 2 yrs 7 months apart and it is awesome...hard but awesome. So...just go with your gutt and you will do what is right for your family.

kd

finch said...

I'm so sorry about the weaning. I was really hoping to read that after a stubborn week-long strike he finally came to his senses. It's just shitty that you got no say in the matter.

I am going through the same thing watching W grow up. I'm thrilled to see him develop and learn but there's something very sad about watching the baby phase end. I can't wait to hear about the sock monkey party.

bunny said...

Hey, glad CDing is going well. I was wondering if the reason we'd not had any rashes was cloth or just luck. Probably just luck... I've also heard they are better for toilet training because they are more noticeably gross to the kid--the fancy plastic ones are so absorbent a kid can just no notice. But I'm so sorry nursing is not going well. It sure sounds like he weaned himself, though, so screw Dr. Sears et al.

I bet that birthday party is going to be a rager!

I had a dream in which I'd just done IVF and transferred two embryos and was pretty sure I was pregnant and was actually hoping I wasn't, because I didn't want to be distracted from loving Bun Bun. Obviously a dream, because who would ever hope for that, but you get the point.

Once Upon A Time said...

Ooooh... kinda excited to see what you do for the big bday!