Monday, October 31, 2011

The Great Pumpkin

Step One: Audition a field of pumpkins to find the best one.
Step Two: Yoda, you are. Thoroughly disgusting, pumpkin guts are to me.
 Step Three: Seriously, Yoda, you are. A nerd like your parents, you may be.
Step Four: Not to be outdone, Katie the Dog sported this (tragically unrelated) costume.
Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I'll Tell You Who Gives Two Shits

You guys, I'm worrried that my baby might be dumb.

I let him run around the house naked while we were preparing to take a bath, and for no good reason at all he crouched down and shat on the floor. What kind of baby does that? It's uncivilized.

What happened next was akin to Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix. I cried out "NOOOOOOOO!" in slow-mo and reached for wipes, only to discover that the bin was EMPTY. I ripped open a brand new container of super spendy gDiaper wipes (biodegradable! chlorine-free! requires a small loan to purchase!) and used them to poop-scoop while Jackson toddled away, laughing hysterically.

BULLET DODGED.

Only not.

Do you think I learned any lessons from this turdy near-miss?

No. No, I did not.

Feeling confident, I let Jackson continue running around with his bits n' pieces flapping in the proverbial breeze. And then. He crouched down and took a mighty dump. Again. AND HE WAS LAUGHING WHILE HE POOPED. ON THE FLOOR. AGAIN. Only now he knew that poop was imminent, and as I scurried over with more wipes, he REACHED FOR A TURD. I batted his hand away, which was apparently part of the game and made him laugh even more hysterically. Maniacally. And while I flushed his turdle down the toilet across the hall, he starting WHIZZING ON THE FLOOR. And for the first time, he made the connection between pee itself and the act of peeing. As in, ohmahgawd the pee is coming out of mah pee-hole and I MADE IT DO IT I AM SO AWESOME LIKE A MAGIC BEHBEH WIZARD YAY! He grabbed at his junk and laughed while the pee just.kept.coming. People, all I could do was stand there and watch and laugh with him. His total delight was pretty contagious. I wiped up his puddle with a nearby burp cloth and off to the kitchen sink bath we went.

True story. The end.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Oh, Bloggy Friends. I am a terrible, terrible blogger and I love and miss you all. Hugs and kisses, y'all.

I am reduced to bullets. Again....
  • Jackson WALKS. No, wait. He RUNS. He rarely crawls anymore, and instead of his late evening eye rubs to tell us he's ready for bed, we wait until he starts stumbling and falling. This new activity wears him out so thoroughly that he's ready to start his bedtime routine by 6:30 some nights. He's beginning to sleep in a little longer some mornings, too, so we're on the verge of getting more and more sleep at night. Hallelujah, rejoice!
  • He's saying actual, real, for-serious WORDS now. He says "mama" and "dada" and "do" (for doggy), "hi" and "bye" and then a bunch of nonsense we haven't decoded yet. He waves and says "hi" and "bye" to people. Hearing it in that twee little voice is the awesomest. Then again, when he's tired or irritated and moans "mama-mama-mama..." over and over....well, that's still awesome.
  • We made the move to cloth diapers at daycare. We've been spared any serious diaper rash until recently, when the near-constant emergence of new teeth (we're up to 8) means increased quantity and weirder quality of pooping. So the poor kid has had a red-baboon bottom for a few weeks now. Even triple paste (holy shit! this stuff is spendy -- I practically had to offer collateral to buy a tub) isn't clearing it up. I discussed with the head teacher in his classroom, explaining that we cloth diaper at home and it helps, and SHE suggested we bring in the cloth diapers. It turns out that another kid in the infant classroom has been using gDiapers all along. (*DOH!*) So Jackson gets all gPants all the time (except at night time, when he is a super-soaker complete with leaky diapers in recent weeks) and Mama gets to do laundry all the time. It's a fair trade for the sake of his bottom.
  • Since we got the all-clear to give Jackson moo-milk at his 12-month check-up, we've noticed he pees A LOT MORE. Especially at night. I can only hazard a guess as to the reason, perhaps something related to the protein and liquid composition of cow's milk and how the kidney processes it. I'm too lazy to consult Dr. Google on this. At any rate, he leaked through, no, SOAKED through, his night time diapers a few times in the past couple of weeks, to the point where I was waking up to a sopping wet baby and crib every morning for days in a row. Changing his diaper in the middle of the night is counter-productive to all the sleep progress we've made, so we tried the special night time diapers (complete with Branded Cartoon Characters! Oh yay! Take a piss on Elmo, sweetheart! Crap out a turd on Pooh!). They were an epic fail. They actually leaked WORSE. I tried stuffing a gDiaper disposable insert inside the night time diaper for extra absorbancy, but still no dice. Just a wet, pissed off baby and wet, pissed-on crib sheet. In the past week we've cut back on his milk consumption and substituted water and snacks, and that has helped. So word to the wise, moo-milk might equal human hydrant. The more you know.
  • Freelance work is going really well so far. I've been working just 2-3 days per week and have some long-term (4-6 month) contracts committed, so I don't have to spend time looking for more work until after the holidays. And it hasn't been too stressful since my current clients are actually pretty organized and friendly (you don't always get so lucky -- it's a grab bag). I just made an appointment to meet with an accountant (*gulp*) to figure out how to address my taxes for the remainder of this year and next year, and to determine if I need to create an LLC or just keep operating as a sole proprietor. I don't really want the hassle of forming a bona fide small business, unless there are significant tax liability incentives to do so (i.e., if the income can be classified as business profit/reinvestment at a lower tax rate or something), since there's no career development advantage to the LLC designation. So I'll let Mr. Professional Beancounter tell me what I should do and abide.
  • I've come back full circle to having baby-on-the-brain. I've been thinking a lot about calling to make that initial consultation with our RE to schedule retesting and sort out a treatment plan for Operation Baby B Take Two Part Deux The Empire Strikes Back II. KB and I loosely agreed a while ago that we would do that after the holidays, which are getting closer and closer and closer....and I am getting itchy to make the appointment. I'm doing my best to pull back on the reigns a bit, since I'm just hitting my stride with the freelance gig and we have a few home repairs that need to be addressed as we map out the next year or so in preparation for trying to sell our house and move into a bigger house. Whew. When I think about all of this, my brain shorts out because A) how will the timing of treatment and potential (hopeful) pregnancy work out against the backdrop of trying to sell a house and move? B) is this a big deal considering it's only a cross-town move? C) can I ramp up my work efforts in the next 6 months or so to stash some money in case I need time off (or, in freelance terms, to stop taking jobs) during treatment, during pregnancy, and after the Hypothetical Baby B Numero Dos Take Two Part Deux The Second is born? 8) how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? $#) what is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? (42. And at least I have a towel.)
  • Feel free to give me a virtual bitch slap, but I am trying to cope with the fact that things are going pretty great right now. I am NOT used to this. I've lived my entire life waiting for the other shoe to drop, and things are, for once, falling into place. Set aside the fact that to grow our family by +1 more, we still have to go through infertility treatment, and that we are trying to perform financial and real estate magic to find a bigger house. And forget about the fact that the timing of all of this seems a little compact. I am working hard on focusing on the present. Things are good. Life is good. Amen.