Wednesday, May 16, 2012

And So On

Still here. I know you missed me. Sure.

Let's do bullets.
  • Still incredibly nauseous. Mostly at night, right before bedtime. This is fantastic. I wish I could throw up and get relief, but it doesn't even work that way. Riding this out for a few more weeks until it (hopefully) gets better. Pregnancy is beautiful. Uh-huh.
  • We're hitting a rough patch with Jackson. About 50% of the time (or maybe more?) he throws total meltdown tantrums during meals and is sometimes refusing to go to bed. Not that we give into it, but he puts up a good fight. He's getting big and Hulk-strong so it's harder to man-handle him into submission these days. Especially when you're not into getting kicked in the gut by a wriggling angry mess of a toddler. He's growing more independent (won't let us help him eat meals anymore, has to feed himself everything and wipe his own mouth, etc.) so I feel like this is just an internal struggle for him to sort out that not everything can be at his command. He doesn't have the insight yet that he can't actually make every decision. Riding this one out, too.
  • I am out to the world, more or less. It's starting to look obvious so I may as well let it all hang out. I haven't gotten daily calls from the usual suspects, but every time I do see them or talk to them I get the full inquisition re: symptoms. Because I love nothing more than to describe my nausea to others repeatedly knowing that they have no clue what I'm talking about (according to my mother-in-law, her pregnancies and births and child-rearing skills were all picture-perfect *cough*bullshit*cough*). 
  • Out with work clients, too. I was getting repeated requests to do work planned for the late fall and had to finally tell them why I can't do it. After the congratulations were doled out, the scramble to get me on board with as many projects as they can before November began. Now comes the part where I have to make a cocoon and protect my time ferociously. I have this dilemma that shouldn't be a dilemma: I figure, if I'm going to work then I should have/meet certain reasonable professional goals, including hitting quarterly and annual financial targets. What I currently have on my plate for the remainder of the year would accomplish this just fine. But I also don't like disappointing good clients when they want to work with me, and I don't want to end up with too much time on my hands toward the end of pregnancy (distraction was good last time around, took my mind off of how goddamned uncomfortable I was). So I have to find and keep the balance. It will mean saying "no" a lot. I am not great at doing that (except to toddlers, in which case it falls on deaf ears anyway). I guess this is one of those opportunities for growth that asshole optimists like to proselytize about. We'll see.
  • I saw the mom from school that I had bumped into at my RE clinic recently, and she looks pregnant as well. We have a school fundraiser to attend this weekend, and I'm hoping she'll be there and I can saunter on over and talk to her. I'm not really the social butterfly of any party, but I can't help myself with this one. We have the same fertility doctor, for crying out loud. Our older kids are about the same age. Our second kids will be about the same age. It is Meant To Be. Or maybe we'll never speak and it will be unrequited infertile love.
  • A dear friend is having her baby shower next month (she finally got pregnant after months of donor IUIs) but her sister planned it on Father's Day. The sister is sweet, but may actually be retarded. Who would do this? Also, it's several states away, in Iowa City. I haven't been back there more than once or twice since college (go Hawkeyes!). It will be my first overnight away from Jackson. And I'm leaving The Tantrum King alone with KB on Father's Day. What a treat. KB wants me to go, and is the one who convinced me I should, but I have to come up with some sort of kickass make-up day for his Father's Day. It probably will have to involve putting out to make up for this. *sigh*
  • Had a 12-week scan as part of the sequential screening and baby looks fine. Has wee little legs (like me) and a face and hands and whatnot. Was dancing a little. I'm not sure if I want to know the gender or not when we schedule the 19-week scan. It was nice to be surprised with Jackson. But it might be nice to know, too. I don't even know why I think that. But I don't really want to share it with others if we do find out, mostly because I don't want to be inundated with gender-specific shit we don't need. We have a plethora of Jackson's footie onesie pajamas for the winter, which will be the infant uniform of choice as it was with Jackson. And if we find out it's a girl, I don't want to get piles of impractical itchy lacy pink frilly tutus and headbands (I know what would be awesome -- a rubber band tied around a baby's head with a giant plastic flower dangling in her eye! she'll love it!). And I know we would (in-laws are a sure thing). I mean, we'd still get this stuff after the birth, but then I'd at least be in the throes of baby love and could ignore it better.
  • Is anyone watching Game of Thrones? I just want to say that motherhood is a bitch in that world. Nothing good comes from it. You can run around bellowing, "I am the mother of dragons!" all you want, it ain't helping matters.
  • That's all I got. Nothing new but the same ol'.


Jen said...

I just wanted to say that I also HATE the headbands for baby girls. With the heat of a thousand burning suns. That is all.

kdactyl said...

I am joining the "I HATE Headbands for babies" club. O.M.Freaking.G Really? flowers bigger than the baby's head? squeezing those soft skulls? Not for me. I dreaded having a girl for just that reason...luckily I made it very known I hated headbands and all tutu like things....a few people gave me some as a joke...They wnt to the good will! So glad all is going well...Hope the MS passes soon. As for Jackson...our son was about this same age when I was prego with is very challenging for sure...but believe gets so much better. He is four now and such a joy!


Cheri said...

I'm old, and I am from the era of No Choice in knowing the gender of your child. But here's my take: "It's a Boy!" (Oh, but we KIND of wanted a girl this time.) Okay, "It's a Girl!" (Oh, but we KIND of wanted a boy this time.)
Versus: Have the baby. It is a boy. OR it is a girl. It matters not because you are holding your precious baby Boy/Girl in your arms and they could not be more perfect. But as I said. I'm old. AND given the choice, I'm not sure I could hold off not knowing.

Lisa said...

I think the whole period between 18-22 months was a little difficult. It's like they've hit the perfect age of knowing exactly what they want, without the ability to clearly communicate what that is. I felt like a bad mommy one month when I had a hard time thinking of positive things going on to document in my blog (which I wrote the night of a particularly rough day). Then, around 22 months the skies parted and things suddenly got so much easier. I think that's just how it's going to be. Ups and downs, and 1000% worth all of it.

And I'm with my mom (Cheri). My plan this next time around is to not find out what I'm having. I worry that if it's another boy, a small part of me will grieve never having a girl. I know that once the baby is here, I'll be head over heels no matter what. (Silly me being all ├╝ber confident that this FET thing is gonna work in July. I am not trying to tempt fate, Universe. We'll see if I change my mind though.)

Mina said...

Welcome to tantrumhood. Independent toddlers are the screaming rage nowadays. And it is NOT EASY. But somehow days go by and they eventually learn things.
Headbands. hmphh.
Hope you're feeling better soon.

bunny said...

Lots of updates! I'm afraid of Bun Bun's increasing sense of WILL. And she's a nice slender baby. I can't imagine wrangling a real big 'un. This is one of those hard parts of parenting, huh?

I think you just GOTS to talk to that other clinic mom. Of course, just because you share (presumably) this amazing thing doesn't mean she'll be a kindred spirit, but at least you'll have something to talk about...

I think Father's day should always involve a screaming tantrum. I mean, fuck, fatherhood ain't all tossing the football around, is it? Sometimes it's strong-arming a fucking monster.